Working or Stay at Home, privileged to have help, or going it alone, regardless of the path we walk, women everywhere wrestle with the ever-stronger pull of mommydom overtaking their once solid sense of self, after having kids.
Between the madness-inducing endless nights and the “these sweatpants are all that fits me right now” days, even the most badass mothers can sometimes roll right on down to sad mommy town.
While being a Mom is one of the most amazing titles you can boast, if you don’t take the time to reclaim the smart and sexy you of your pre-mommy past, the effort you put into establishing your awesome self, sans littles, may forever be lost to time, and with it, so too could forever go, a little piece of you.
How Not to Lose Yourself After Having Kids
Fun Size – While your focus may be a little splintered now that you’ve got a baby in your life, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still make time for the things that you love.
Don’t set your hobbies aside, even if you can’t find enough time in your schedule to keep up with the pace you once set, you can still find a few minutes here and there to enjoy some of your favorite activities.
Little Tip: If you’ve found your time to be a little too stretched, try cutting back the quantity while retaining the quality. Plant a smaller garden with only your favorite flowers, paint smaller paintings, or choose a project that you can finish in small bite-size pieces.
A Helping Hand – You don’t have to go this alone, as a mom, you do just about everything for your child, but sometimes you need to let someone else step in to give you a chance to catch your breath.
Friends, family, and babysitters are all viable options when it comes to taking a few moments off for a night out, a trip to your favorite salon or just a few moments reading without the worry.
Little Tip: Set up a schedule with your significant other that gives you both time away from the duties and responsibilities of parenting on occasion. The routine will help your little ones cope with the time that you’re away, and give you both the opportunities you need to chill tf out.
Downtime – Every mom is different, and what you need to recharge could be a lowkey day spent relaxing with the whole family rather than experiencing the mom guilt that often comes with a little time alone.
Try planning out activities that are low stress, like family reading time, or a stroll through the woods.
Pick activities that will interest everyone in your family to avoid tantrums and keep things running smoothly.
With a little scheduled off time, you may just find that your most relaxing moments are spent in the company of those that you love most.
Little Tip: For many toddlers and babies, complete attention spans may not be fully developed yet, so try to aim for activities that you can cut short, otherwise, you could find that their minds have wandered, leaving you to face tears and frustration during your otherwise relaxing day.
Meet And Greet – It’s all too easy to find yourself falling into the ever-present trap of becoming a mom first, and yourself second.
Even if your motherhood is the most important thing in your life, you’re not only a mom, you’re your own woman with hopes, goals, and a personality of your own.
Without reference though, your littles may only ever see you as mom, compounding the problem of your ever slipping identity.
Take the time out to talk to them about who you are, and where your likes and interests really lie.
Your hobbies and what you like are the things your family will remember about you as they grow up so be sure to allow them to get to know you through the things and activities you love.
Little Tip: Don’t just treat this as a one-way conversation, use it as an opportunity to compare and contrast your likes and dislikes with theirs. This will help them to not only open up with you but also break through their predisposition to seeing you as nothing more than a mom.
Welcoming Wellness – Being a mom can often mean a more than hectic schedule and when it comes time to make a few extra hours appear in the day it’s easier to drop your time on the treadmill or opt-in on a quick trip through the drive-through.
It’s up to you to take care of your own wellness as only you can, and even when it’s not fun, you can still take out the time to set a shining example for your little ones and make sure that their minds are focused on wellness going forward.
Take the time out to exercise, eat right, and make sure that you’re staying sane, even when your life is feeling unreasonably busy.
Little Tip: Get your whole family thinking wellness-minded thoughts, from sharing the time cooking a meal, to working out, you can stay happy and healthy together while working to maintain your sense of self.